I didn't have a choice because I was already broken. I don't know since when either. It doesn't really matter. I think I'm melting. The nothingness is so thick that is crushing me. I can't breathe. The longest death.
I'm sorry I'm being by far too dramatic.

But every morning when I wake up and remember where I am, who I am... a song comes to my mind... and it keeps stuck all day long... I can't/do this...

I was going up the stairs to the first floor. I thought there was nothing I did in my life I was proud about. I thought it was too late for me.

Douglas Coupland says in 'Life after God' sometimes you realize some people are already spoiled. And you wonder yourself when would be your turn, or if it has already been.